This is the first time that I am writing anything that is considered taboo by the community that I grew up in. All my life the topic about sex kept me mum about how I would want to deal with it when I am in it. I talk and joke(‘mostly’) a lot of this and about sexuality when I am comfortable that the person I am conversing with is mature enough not to think badly of me about this. Basically, I don’t want to lash out my thoughts and how I am afraid to ever experience this so-called ‘wonderful phenomena’. I was bound to the notion that I should only have sex when I get married but as I’ve kept myself learned I became aware that to have and not to have sex or anything at all in general will be at my will. I thought about writing this piece because I want to RUN TOWARDS MY FEARS*. I fear that if I ever write something ‘considered taboo’ will make people’s opinion of me as something different from how they have seen me. I have played safe almost all my life conforming to the societal rules set out by the media, by religion and by culture. And that was fine because that was what I believed in too. Now that I am trying to figure out what and who I am in a country foreign to me as much as I am foreign to it, made me think about a lot of things. Opening up my mind about how vast everything is and everything will. I want to grow as a writer and confronting such topics will help me to be daring and bold about my opinions without biases of religion, culture and tradition.

Sex is a natural thing and anything beyond is natural as long as you accept and confront the consequences. I, honestly, do think about sex not a lot of times but ‘maybe’ more than people think I might have had thought about sex. I also thought of having sex and how frequent I would be doing it with someone special. My curiosity is very abundant specially to things that are taboo. I tried watching porn(these are real people. I know it is obvious but I just want to point it out that it’s real people. with a stress on real people). and hentai(a japanese anime porn), i tried watching more than once but I can’t go on for more than 5 minutes because I just can’t. I mean I can’t stand watching it but I basically have read novels — a lot actually before the thought of me doing sex occured to my wonderful imagination — full of sexual scenes and I am okay with it and got through the books because it conforms to the level of action that my imagination could actually contain. I am the kind of person who would read a lot of things to substitute with experience. I am a little competitive and I believe sex is an area not to be left out, so when the time comes that I need to engage with actual sex I will not be left out with what goes where and how. I am a little bit horrified with the reaction of the people who know me that might read this but what the hell is the point of me running to my fears if I care about what people might think of me now. I guess at this point, I still feel good about myself and my thoughts. Actually getting here makes me feel good. To have sex before marriage for me ‘now’ is okay as long as it’s with the person that I can synchronise with(which is actually hard nowadays, given my level of social interaction with the opposite sex).

And in line with this, I just remembered that my country(the Philippines) has declared RH Law constitutional and I rejoice for that, not just because sex can be generally accepted as okay(and it should be in all areas of the country) but because women will be empowered by the knowledge of sex and how it will affect us, our bodies, and what consequences will we be facing after. I know it’s a battle again with morality but let’s face it, basing on what I’ve learned in theology is that we have to choose the lesser evil and I believe this is the lesser evil. It’s more than just the contraceptives and how it’s considered ‘abortive’ in nature. It’s the ‘extensive’ knowledge that will be given because, the less curious the person is, the less the person is tempted to try it out. Or maybe I am generalizing it but it’s in my opinion and that I am not liable for what you(my dear readers if I ever have any) might understand from this. I will stop talking about the morality of this here because it is another big topic of what’s what. I just want to express my joy in this step towards women empowerment. Yay!

So in conclusion, (1) sex is sex. It is normal. It is not taboo. You can have sex as long as the both of you gave consent to this act and that both of you are aware of the consequences of this act. (2) RH Law is constitutional as per declared by the Supreme Court and (3) most of all, the best of all is that I finally allowed myself to be greater than my fear of being judged by the people about the things that I think and the things that I write. Written this the tenth of April, Year 2014 @2am.

PS. I actually want to cry from this liberating feeling. Thank you for ever reaching this point if anyone have had. This is my first post after forever and just thank you. I can now let my mind relax and get some rest.

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RUN TOWARDS MY FEARS – was highlighted(through color and thickness and asterisk) because I want to acknowledge my inspiration for doing this. I am currently reading 100 Ways to motivate yourself by Steve Chandler. I am not getting paid for this. I just want to share things that are helping me cope up with my laziness 😀